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    • Oh! waking is a bitter nightmare..when you constantly hang around the fringes of my dreams..

    ..my foundation is crumbling and shattered glass is falling all over sidewalks..

    ..i am collapsing and i am collapsing on myself.. i am shards of glass..and i am the person being wounded by the glass..

    ..there is a certain beautiful honesty about depression..

    ..will Candy and honey not ..sweeten the Bitter acrimony of life? ..if truth indeed be a fallacy, then should reality not be a lie?

    Truth is like water. A little of it quenches your thirst Too much of it..and you drown.

    Saturday, September 21, 2002

    ....see these tears in my eyes,
    when u were in pain i felt it too..
    i cried a whole river for you...
    i may not have much to say,
    but i will never be far away..
    u may not believe me...
    but maybe its coz u don't see,
    whats going on inside my heart.
    whats going on inside my mind..
    so i onli have to ask u to trust me..
    dun place ure faith and wad u see or do not see..
    u onli have to believe in me..
    i may not be able to bring a smile to ur face,
    i may not be able to make u laugh..
    but i do understand everything's just tough..
    so when u feel u can't take it anymore..
    u onli have to give me a call.....
    and ill be the one to break ur fall..
    ..i won't let these tears fall anymore,
    coz i'll make everything as good as before.
    so open up ur door,
    and Dun hide urself anymore,


    no matter where u r..
    no matter how far..
    when ever u need someone..
    ill always be here
    ....waiting..

    ..forever....


    everyword i say here is true..
    ..i promise you.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 9/21/2002

    ....see these tears in my eyes,
    when u were in pain i felt it too..
    i cried a whole river for you...
    i may not have much to say,
    but i will never be far away..
    u may not believe me...
    but maybe its coz u don't see,
    whats going on inside my heart.
    whats going on inside my mind..
    so i onli have to ask u to trust me..
    dun place ure faith and wad u see or do not see..
    u onli have to believe in me..
    i may not be able to bring a smile to ur face,
    i may not be able to make u laugh..
    but i do understand everything's just tough..
    so when u feel u can't take it anymore..
    u onli have to give me a call.....
    and ill be the one to break ur fall..
    ..i won't let these tears fall anymore,
    coz i'll make everything as good as before.
    so open up ur door,
    and Dun hide urself anymore,


    no matter where u r..
    no matter how far..
    when ever u need someone..
    ill always be here
    ....waiting..

    ..forever....


    everyword i say here is true..
    ..i promise you.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 9/21/2002
    Saturday, September 14, 2002

    ZzzZZzzzz....

    dawn fairy on the moon at 9/14/2002

    FIVE DAYS AFTER PRELIMS

    i had lit todae... the lit paper was so good and i tink i can wirte a guidebook already---the idiots guide to failing lit.
    sighz...anywaes the prelims by far has been such a complete fiasco.. ( ok..maybe just fer me) so im not surprised abt the lit. But honestly speaking, tho i tink two of my essays were realie crap, i tot my philip larkin essay was pretty good! Of course im not the examiner so i cant realie judge but hopefully my examiner will have some good taste and recognise class and give me a high mark..hahahah...nahhh..just hope tt my examiner wun be too harsh or im screwed!

    Geraldine didnt even go fer lit todae. I cld foresee this coming. She actually called me yesterdae to ask me if she shld go fer the exam or not. The gal is incredible. i didnt exactly tink u had a choice in such matters. Anywae i told her not to be funny and OF COZ to go la. But ah well...she didn't turn up. i never suspected she had it in her..haha.i mean ...even I...even ME...the wild crazy me who comes up with pretty weird and funny ideas at times wldnt even do such a thing..and she...she...

    im quite impressed actually..it takes guts. she has it in her..haha

    WEnt out with "rou mei" after the lit exam todae, I guess both of us have totally given up on the prelims; Why prolong the pain when failure is inevitable? might as well spend time more wisely..by slacking. Anywae we went to marche in town and were slacking as tho our A levels were over. And our prelims onli end next week. and i have three unstudied papers. but it was so fun. We were jUst fooling arnd with the salt and pepper shakers at marche behaving like a bunch or retarded little kids..hehe...i juz love being brainless sometimes. ( i tink i may be so most of the times!) Dunch u tink there is some comfort in such brainless activities sometimes? they say ignorance is a bliss...and i agree...
    my problem is tt i usually know far more then i'd like to but i alwaes like to act ignorant.............

    anywae i knew there had to be a God. One of the poems i predicted was going to come out actually came out! I had this feeling that the poem was going to come out and i prayed very hard it wld..and it DID! i was SO relieved and feeling almost euphoric after seeing the poem! There IS A GOD OUT THERE AFTER ALL...haha


    sighz..so ill be counting the days till wednesday
    and ill be prepared to face to consequences of my incompetence and laziness.. ( ok i exaggerate)
    im shure they wun moderate the prelims coz everyone will do so well! the pple in the sch r like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SMART...and with a widespread proliferation of mugger toads and kiasu types...how am i to compete? i cant even catchup with my work. Heck..i cant even catch my breath these days
    So Dawn...i guess its time to prepare the the inevitable failure. Failure, whom has been my best frend since i entered the school...failure whu seems to hang onto my arm and never let go ( if onli some of my frends were this loyal!!! haha..okok..im kidding...they r all loyal nice and sweet!)
    ahh....can i see the light beyond this dark tunnel...
    it truly feels like ground zero fer me now..

    ....as i stand above......




    ...and watch myself shatter into pieces below.......

    dawn fairy on the moon at 9/14/2002
    Wednesday, September 11, 2002

    its been quite a long time since i wrote here! But wad to do...im lIke in the middLe of my preLims now..SIGhZ! PRELIMS! can u beat that? time realie flies! i never thought this day wld come! VEry soon ill be like in the middle of my A levels! its a scary thought..but at the same time i cant wait for it to be all finally over. over and forever over. Maybe i shuld realie go to La Selle after my As...but then again..i doubt my parents wld be very happy at all,and realistically speaking in life, isnt getting a degree everything? i mean to get a good job u need a good degree. But frankly speaking im quite tired of studying already. Can u imagine how much more ill have to study in the uni? Goodness Gracious...if I feel as though im sinking under a pile of quiksand ( mainly my books) now...then how can i ever cope in uni? Thank God for the long break after the As...that six months is what i need most man...haha..maybe i need a break..Permanently....haha..ok..so i was kidding.

    my geog paper was on mondae. That was ultimately awful. I didnt finish half an essay, and i Didnt do ONE WHOLE COMPLETE ESSAY. yes ONE WHOLE COMPLETE ESSAY. but i didnt have enuff time to finish. was rushing thru everything and my handwriting was looking worse then a doctor's scrawl. I cldnt even read my own handwriting...God knows how the examiner will be able to read them. Well, as my old favourite maxim used to go.. :" if u cant convince then...confuse them!" However i dont think that is quite applicable to my A levels. Anyway the handwriting is so atrocious i can't even stand to look at it! haha

    anywae, surprisingly with the knowledge that i didnt complete an entire essay, (short for a poorly wirtten scrawl at the top that passed off as my name), i wasnt feeling too panicky. And as usual..after the exams everyone started their usual charade of " wah liew...damn hard leh...How ah? confirm fail man...Die lah..i so many never even do ok..." " aiyah..so hard leh...canot finish...shure die one.." It seems almost like a tradition, or a trend fer everyone to start their usually moaning and groaning before and after the exams even though majority of them have probably finished studying since the 1930s..(an exaggeration) Well anyway i just remained silent even though i REALIE TRULY FELT that i was the one who was gona die and be in trouble. I mean not doing one whole essay? If i dun die then maybe its a miracle. Anywae, everybody just moans and groans but in the end still ends up getting As and full marks.. And they will start their usual.. " No la...i mean i didnt study at all....realie..i was like slacking ok...blah blah. " yeah...im sure. And im the queen of England. And to make things worse there u'll be clutching ur paper, which has A BIG very PROMINENT F viciously scrawled across the page. A single letter that can cut ur heart and make ur blood run cold. Anywae, with regards to all this, im so immune now. Anywae i dun realie care whether u studied or not so why r u making an issue out of it? sighz..and the worse is when pple paw me and try to grab my paper out of hand so they can peek at my marks. Are my insignificant marks realie of consequence to anybody? anywae.. theres no need to find all ways the methods to prise my marks out of me wad..u can jus ask directly....

    anywae,,putting aside geog..my lit paper was on tuesday. that was SLightly better ...but my handwriting was still as atrocious and i cldnt realie finish. i tend to spend alot of time on the first essay then rush thru the rest. I guess time management is my problem. Anywae lit is quite a crappable subject especially for PC. Its like u r finding all kinds of nuances and symbolism everywhere..even wen i suspect it wasnt the author or poet's actually intent. I guess we're reading too much into things and probably changing the original meaning or whole intention of the poem. I can almost see philip larkin and blake turning in their graves now, to see their poetry being desecrated and torn apart clumsily by some mindlesss jc student..haha ..Oh well... i tink we add more elements of interest into the poems anyway! its called a merger of the old and new. And there i am crapping again..

    had econs todae. considering the fact that i hardly studied for it...ok..at least i studied the least for it and its my worst subject it wasnt was horrid as i tot it wld be! in fact i onli briefly went thru the points the nite before...and only for four chpter..praying tt these 4 wld come on. ANywae they sort of did..so i as quite relieved. Even tho i suspect majority of wad i wrote was pure nonsense, i was still nonetheless thankful to be able to write something at least!

    ok 3 major papers gone..and my prelims already seem like quite a disaster. At least if there is one thing im thankful for is tt it aint the A levels coz if it were i wld be in pieces by now.. okie..anywae i guess i better go now..coz the more time i spend on the computer..the worse ill do fer prelims

    ...ill be counting the days till wednesday!

    dawn fairy on the moon at 9/11/2002